Somehow, by the time I made it back to Brooklyn, I had lost the last shred of my innocence, the battery charger for my point-and-shoot, and every last USB cable that I used to own. USB cables are the bungie cords of computing. Want to hook up a scanner, a printer, a digital camera? Chances are, you’ll use USB.
As a computer consultant, USB cables kept coming my way. I had, on average, a dozen of them at any given time. Like drinks bought for me in a bar, I regarded them as liquid currency, and left behind as many as came my way. Oh, can’t hook up your printer? I’ve got a USB cable right here in my bag. No, don’t worry about it. No charge.*
And now I find myself without one. That’s like having a kitchen without salt (a situation in which I recently found myself). Ten Firewire cables, mind you, in two speeds and three plug configurations, but no USB, at least not in the standard A-B configuration that you’ve used anytime you’ve plugged in your printer, scanner, or whatever.
Today, I needed to scan and print. No problem, I thought. I’ll pick one up. Staples listed a basic 6’ USB 2.0 cable for $9.99. A little steep for a gimmie, but not beyond reason. And, hey, I live a mile by bike from the friendliest Staples in the world. So I hopped on old Lulubelle and rode on up. While I was in that Staples, no fewer than three people smiled at me, asked me if they could help me, and joked with me when it turned out that they couldn’t, not for want of trying, but because the least expensive USB cable on their shelves cost not $10 but $20. While that’s rather less than I paid for my scanner or my printer, it’s close enough to what they’re now worth. “Yeah, we got to save where we can,” said one, considerately. “You could try Best Buy.”
“But I don’t want to go to Best Buy. I like Staples better.” And that made her smile, too.
I mapped the way to Best Buy. It was kinda far for a place I didn’t want to go. So I looked for “computer,” and found The Mac Support Store, mere blocks away. I met the owner once, a geeky gay man on the kind of hybrid bicycle that even the 40 Year Old Virgin would be embarrassed to ride. But I like to support local businesses when I can, so I jumped back on Lulubelle, and rolled on over.
There isn’t really much “Store” about The Mac Support Store. I mean, I guess they sell Mac support. So do I, but I don’t carry inventory, so I don’t call myself a store. They had a little inventory, including, according to the guy who let me in, USB cables! For $10! All right! Except… it was what’s called an A-A cable, the kind with two flat ends, which is extremely useful for connecting nothing to nothing else. This was news to him. “You could try Best Buy,” said the guy, and then told me to watch their website for their new Used Mac section. “People love those used Macs.” I looked over the pile that comprised the exciting new used selection that people love. I’ve hauled better stuff to the curb, but each to his own business practices.
So I tried Radio Shack, up on 5th Ave and 13th St. The guys there were really nice, and did funny impressions of automated phone trees: “To cause… Jose… to strangle hisself… press 2.” But if Jose had chosen to do the deed with the shortest, cheapest A-B USB cable in the house, it would have set him back $32. Then again, he would have met his end with the bling-factor of gold-plated contacts. “You could try Best Buy.” Yeah, I know. “Or overnight it from Amazon, and still save a couple of bucks.” At least he was honest about it.
Before I called it quits, I tried Rite Aid, ‘cause you never know. No USB at all. HDMI cables, for hooking up your flat-screen TV, though. As soon as I get a flat-screen TV, I’ll be back, for sure.
I had other options left. I could’ve gone to Mikey’s, where I always get a fair price, if they’re not too busy playing ping-pong or styling their hair, but riding to the Burg seemed like kind of a schlep for a simple USB cable. I could’ve gone to J&R, and taken a few hours off my life getting stressed over almost knocking down Italian tourists on the Brooklyn Bridge. So, yeah, I went to Amazon. Belkin 6’ high-speed USB 2.0 A-B cable, $4.95. I’m ordering two, and a book. Sorry, local retail establishments, but I gotta go with the web megastore on this one.
Until they arrive, if you’re passing through Red Hook and have one on you, I’d really like to scan this image already. I’ll buy you an IPA at the Icehouse. It’s a damn sight cheaper in Brooklyn than USB.
* This kind of attitude may indicate my unsuitability for the IT trade.
